Daycare Dilemmas

I have had three sitters in one day.  I sometimes needed three in order the work two full time jobs.  It went like this:  I drop my little boys off at daycare, who then takes them to school in the morning, and back to the daycare in the afternoon.  Afterschool, around 3 - 4 pm, Brittney, a high school student, picks them up from daycare and takes them to our home.  Around this time, I am leaving one job, changing into a uniform, and going to another job.  After finishing at the second job, it is between 10 - 1130 pm, and Brittney needs a ride home and the kids are asleep.  I call my neighbor, and one of her daughters, Sarah or Ashley, comes over and watches the kids while I drive Brittney home, takes 20 minutes.  That's 3 babysitters!

I remember once getting out of bed on a Sunday, and almost confused as I didn't have a job to go to that day.  I looked at my calendar, I had had ONE day off in 42 days!

Sometimes, I couldn't get a babysitter for Saturdays.  As the girls would be older and get real paying jobs.   And I would just have to take that day off.  Luckily, there were other people that could cover for me. 

Needless to say, I don't ever want to work 2 full time jobs again, but I do take temporary full time jobs, like the evening and weekend shifts when there is an Election.




Of course, there is another alternative, and that is to check out further educational possibilities. Then you won't need two jobs.

Dads are worth 5%?

I heard about this study done sometime in the past 10 years, and I have tried to find it online, but no success. But it goes like this:

The first time I heard about this study, it stated that children were lesser likely to get into trouble in a home with two parents as opposed to a single mom home and they had statistics to indicate this. They, the study makers, stated that there was a 40% chance that these single-mom-reared children may get into trouble. Now, I don't know what they based their criteria on, but obviously 40% of our children are not career criminals, so they must be counting drinking before legal or skipping school.  And of course I remember this article because I was annoyed that the media was looking for yet another reason to put down single moms.   Grrr. 

Anyways, a couple years later and I stumble across more of this study, and the percentage of children that may get into trouble in a two parent home is 35%.  That's right . . .

THIS MEANS THAT HAVING A FATHER AT HOME IS ONLY WORTH 5%!

The math is, single mom success rate 60%, two parent success rate 65%! Which again means, that moms are responsible for the 60% and the dads are responsible for the 5%.

So all you single moms out there, you truly are doing the job of two people, and only losing %5 of something in the process. We all deserve gold stars.

I also find it bizarre that the media who likes to cut down single moms is completing forgetting that:
1.  there is a dad somewhere, so why isn't he involved;
2.  the focus is on the single moms, yet totally ignoring the fact that the fathers have walked away;
3.  that these moms are doing what is considered a two person job;
4.  that moms will self sacrifice to raise these children, while men do not.

More here on when I took one of my ex's to court, I wish I could blame drugs or alcohol for choosing him. 

Trusting your instincts.

I read a book years ago and this one opened my eyes into the dealing with people and relationships. Entitled 'The Gift of Fear', it is about using your fear (or intuition), and recognizing that when it pops up, even for no apparent reason, you are free to act upon it. That you don't have to account for any fears you have to anyone.  For example, the guy that keeps asking you out, if there is just something about him that you can't shake, although no one else seems to notice, it is still okay for you to say no. And you don't have to offer anyone any justifications or excuses for your answers or lack of.

Another example is, I met this guy that knew my boyfriend (who I later married).   Me, the boyfriend and one of his kids had been out and were returning home, and this guy was at the front door steps.   I immediately knew something was up.  I actually suspected that he had just checked the slider windows.  And I knew he was not as he seemed.  My boyfriend is talking to him like he's a normal everyday person, yet I am on red alert, for reasons unknown.  This guy, let's call him Jack, was actually good looking, in a beach boy kinda way, with shoulder length hair back and sun streaked, and he had been riding a bike and had it with him.  And the conversation they were having appeared to be an average conversation.   He left and I asked who that was, and was told that Jack had been his former brother-in-law, and as a teenager he had dated my boyfriend's sister.  

This information was conflicting with what I had been feeling.  Obviously my boyfriend had known this guy quite a while yet wasn't running him off the property.  Over the next few years, Jack had been over to the house, not invited, but had stopped by.  Next thing we know is that Jack's girlfriend has him up on assault charges against her and her daughter.  Then my husband tells me that there had been some talk of him not being a very nice person a few years ago, but of course Jack said that the other person was lying.

These people were not lying, he was nasty as could be to woman and children, although he had hid this from my now-husband, and never mistreated the sister he dated years earlier.  You see, Jack actually liked my husband and considered him a friend although my husband didn't actually consider him one.  But Jack preyed on people that did not have a brother like my husband to defend them.   You know the old saying, 'Just because you are paranoid, doesn't mean no one is out to get you'.   This book will give you the permission you may need to act as cautious and assertive as you need to be - no questions asked. 



I don't recommend many books, but this is for sure one of them:

Dinner is not fun

Dinner is not the bonding moments seen on tv commercials. I have yet to have a dinner that didn't involve the words " I'm only eating the mashed potatoes", or "I can't eat that without ketchup", or "He's got more than me!"  I very clearly recall the time that I went into the kitchen knowing that I had to make dinner, and burst into tears. To go to all that effort and expense just to listen complaints after wards. We have lived off of nachos for the past 8 years.

Us women are so brainwashed into thinking that this is our duty. Of course, being the only adult in the family reinforces this. But what if there is a spouse? The media force feeds it to us on a daily basis that the feeding of the family is absolutely and totally up to us. Fact is, we don't even see these not-so-subliminal messages anymore.

For instance, I was watching an episode of "8 Simple Rules" where the kids grandfather has moved in as well as the kid's uncle, and the mom and three kids are still at home. In this episode, the two men are sitting at the kitchen counter, the kids are about the kitchen and living-room, and the mom is in the kitchen making dinner. She is the only one that works full time as a nurse in a school, and the ENTIRE FAMILY IS SITTING AROUND DOING NOTHING. I see this in almost every show I watch, every commercial I see, this is brainwashing, letting us think that this is the norm.

Just start watching these tv shows, and you will see that the women are always in the kitchen.  I actually watched a spy movie, where there was three men and one woman who were all hired killers.  And SHE was the one that was moving bedding around in the background, getting their room ready.  So ladies, you think you are out of the kitchen, but it's just those salad bags saving you time.

I revolted years ago, I haven't cooked a turkey since forever because I don't want to. When my boyfriend and I were dating, I had cooked us up some Chinese food at his house. When we were all done, he said, "but you didn't clean up the kitchen", and I said, "I'm not that type of girlfriend, you need a wife for that".

And yes, we are still dating.

On this page is my collection of recipes, entitled I hate cooking.